Middle School Dances and “Grinding”

“Grinding” is the new term for the dance style that seems to be everywhere these days. Well, I really don’t know how new it is, but I’ve just recently become aware of it. H is extremely uncomfortable with the whole thing. Last year, the “bar/bat mitzvah” year at her school, when they had dance parties at least a couple of times a month, she started seeing a few kids doing it. At the time, most of her close friends didn’t “grind”, so she had people to hang with when the group started. J and I were at one of the parties, standing next to the dance floor talking with some other parents when he looked up and saw a couple of kids (who we’ve known since preschool) basically simulating sex…right in front of him! The shock on his face must have radiated towards them, because not long after, they both looked over, immediately stopped, smoothed their clothes and walked away in opposite directions. A few minutes later they sent H over to tell us that we were making her friends uncomfortable. The whole situation began to give H a lot of emotional distress, so I looked up “grinding” on Urban Dictionary. I can’t even repeat the descriptions I found there. Now that she’s in 8th grade, it’s becoming even more status quo. More and more of her girlfriends are starting to join in the big huddle/group. It’s getting to be so that she doesn’t even enjoy the parties. She worked really hard on the 7th/8th grade party at her school this weekend, and had a good time until the end, when one of her best friends left her to go join in the grinding. Some of the parents who came at the end of the party to pick up their kids saw it and have complained, calling and emailing the school, so it will hopefully be addressed. A Chicago Tribune Article describes how some schools have canceled their school dances because of it.

It’s interesting, but even though a majority of her class participates in this kind of dancing, the kids who don’t are kind of banding together. I’m proud of her for taking a stand. It’s like the movie “dirty dancing”. I think middle school is way too early for this kind of behavior, but they’ve been exposed to so much more at such an early age. I really don’t want to be a prude about this, but how can we teach our kids about appropriate sexual behavior when this is so commonplace and accepted? It’s one thing to do it in High School or college, but 7th and 8th grade?

0 thoughts on “Middle School Dances and “Grinding””

  1. I say that 8th grade is about the time that this starts. I can remember back to it when I was that young and I am 40. I don’t think it is anything new really. I mean we have Dirty Dancing and Footlose back then didn’t we. Oh and Flash Dance. 🙂

  2. I know, I know, but I don’t have to like it. I think having a daughter makes you look at it from a different perspective. When they’re uncomfortable with a situation that all their friends are participating in, it’s difficult to take a stand. There’s a whole self-respect thing attached to it, at least at this age.

  3. you know, I don’t like it too and it pains me to see even little children dancing this way in the street. It is common to see street children in the Philippines and when they hear loud music, they dance(and how!). I put the blame on tv shows, specially lunchtime tv shows that promote this kind of dancing.

  4. I hope everyone realizes that this type of dancing [grinding] is not simulating sex. Maybe in the over 21 clubs, sure. But in middle school, moving our hips back and forth really has no other meaning that dancing with someone we like. You could ask any kid at my school, no one thinks it stands for sex. Thats a ludacris statement to make. And maybe your daughter just feels uncomfortable because she has no one to grind with…
    I don't grind because I don't have a boyfriend, [mom says not until 10th grade] but I dance next to people [my friends] who do and its honestly not that dirty.

  5. I am in the 8th grade as of 2010-2011 and this is a very common thing at our dances and i am a male that goes to a catholic school and last year i gave in to the peer presure and grinded 27 girlz in 2.5 hours…oh where was i, oh yes so tjis year i got pumped to do the same little "contest" as last year but i just felt sick to my stomach seeing kids that i was a role model to for 9 years just grinding these girls that they didnt even care to know the names of and so with me not grinding i am now too labled a prude and i lost the well earned nickname "sexual chocolate" with regret for my previous actions

  6. Well I'm a seventh grade girl, I personally think it isn't that bad. My mom constantly complains about grinding and says that they will grow up to be "hoes" and I just laugh because she doesn't know that it's something you do for fun with friends when you want to fool around a little (no not like THAT). I have a boyfriend and my friends grind at the dances and so do his and he was pressured to grind with me at the dance. But neither of us ha a problem with it because I have experience but he didn't want to at first because he had NO idea how to "dance like that". My friends later told me that he was fist pumping behind me and practically humping me and I had no idea. So guys please try to not act like an idiot if youre not sure what to do…just hang around your friends that are grinding and get an idea of what you're sposed to do. Please.

  7. Why are kids in such a hurry to grow up? It doesn't get better. U lose ur innocence. Grinding is a taboo that only highschool students should take part in. Not middle school kids…and it is indeed simulating sex… It's like "dry humping" someone… Stupid kids these days…yes I've been to grind dances in highschool. Most guys get an erection in grinding….so bear that in mind that it simulates sex.

  8. OK just stress to the children that SEX is not OK at this age but I highly disagree with with banding it as long as they are not naked and actually starting to go at it.

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