H has a crush on another 8th grader. I think when I look back this may be the turning point for when my little girl changed into a teenager. When she was little, we never had a really bad “terrible 2” stage, and other than her anxiety over grades in middle school, the transition was really smooth. She always told me everything about her day, asked about mine, and took my advice on just about everything, from school work to personal habits, and even every once in awhile, she listened to my input about boys. Not anymore.

Now, I get the ipod in the ears, the “mmm-hmmm”, or “not much”, “fine”, and “nothing” one syllable answers when I ask her questions. I’m trying not to get too upset. I know it’s part of her growing up, becoming more independent, and thinking for herself. It’s hard to admit to myself that J and I are not the only influences on her life anymore. I can still steer her, gently protect her to a certain degree, and hopefully give her opportunities to make her own decisions and along with that, her own mistakes. With luck she’ll learn from those mistakes, and try to make more good choices than bad.

Right now, the “crush” is very exciting. I do remember those feelings. I also remember the heartbreak that came after the initial exhilaration. I wish I could protect her from that, but I think she has to go through all of it, the good and the bad. I can’t wait until she comes out on the other side, to my open arms!

God, I don’t miss middle school. H goes to a small private school and the girls in her class have known each other since Kindergarten, for the most part. It’s a relatively small class. A friend of H ‘s went to sit down with a group of girls who told her that she couldn’t sit there, they were “reserving” the table for only those they wanted to sit with. These are girls they play sports with, go to dances with, even sleepovers together. What makes them decide to be exclusive all of a sudden? Does it make them feel better about themselves to have “power” over who sits at their table? I guess it happens all the time at this age, but that doesn’t make it right, or any easier to swallow. Maybe the experience of being the person excluded prepares them for adult life…not getting into the sorority they want, or the country club, or even the “cool” group at the office. H’s friend didn’t realize they were being serious, at first. She said, “Yeah, right, thanks a lot guys”, and continued to sit down. When they said, “No, really, we mean it.” She said, “Whatever” and sat by herself until everyone else came out.

As a parent, I want to give those girls a piece of my mind, but I won’t. I will keep my mouth shut and talk to H  about how silly and small minded that kind of behaviour is, and hopefully, she won’t be one of those girls. Let’s face it, as women, we need our girlfriends. The more we alienate ourselves from each other the more we hurt ourselves.

H wanted to have a few friends over to watch High School Musical on Friday. J didn’t want to have a huge party because we’re leaving early the next day to go rafting. So she carefully chose a few girls and boys to come and issued the invitation. One of the girls who was invited wanted H to invite more people, but J said ‘No”. So of course, the girls who weren’t invited are now having a party at the same time. God, I don’t miss 8th grade, and the drama that goes with it. H hates to hurt anyone’s feelings, but now she’s worried that her guests will have to choose between her small get-together and a bigger party somewhere else. More to come, I’m sure…